The Beginning of Kathleen~Cathleen
When the season was ripe, miraculously, beyond logic and the odds, we found one another. Between the sweet and bitter truth of our story, we found a stretch of road upon which we travel back and forth to one another. We are not the only ones. This is the road we have charted together, mother to daughter and daughter to mother. We are a pair. Our book reveals the invisible map we followed and how our journey came to light.
This is not simply a story about birth, relinquishment and reclamation. This is a story of hope, identity and humanity, and the invisible pieces that connected our two lives sustained in two different worlds and miraculously bound together.
Kathleen~Cathleen
How it all began...
Kate...
Thursday, January 15, 2004
I was sitting in my office upstairs in our venerable folk music shop, Artichoke Music in Portland, Oregon. The phone rang. It was Sharon, a birthmother therapist I had known from working on reunion issues with Cathy. Sharon was calling because Dr. Phil’s show was looking for a “veteran pair”, a birthmother and child who had been in reunion for a long time - a reunion that had come to maturity. The show coming up was a focus on adoptees and birthparents approaching reunion.
Dr. Phil’s research department discovered Sharon’s professional background in this area and called her in Portland for ideas for good candidates. Sharon said that our story was the one that came to mind, so she called to see if we would be willing to tell our story on Dr. Phil’s show. They would fly us down to Los Angeles the following Tuesday, tape the show Wednesday morning and run it nationally that afternoon. Maybe Cathy and I could take an extra day in L.A. and make a holiday of it.
I called Cathy on her direct line at Nike, told her what was going on and asked her, “What do you think? Do you want to do it?” “Sure" she said. "I need a haircut before we go but sure, let’s do it.”
Calling Sharon back, I gave her the news. She passed it on to Dr. Phil’s production assistant to call me later for details. Cathy and I have always been “out” with our story and circumstances. I don’t have a television but I knew who Dr. Phil was. It was my mother’s favorite show. The tabloids were always full of him duking it out with Oprah.
Were we ready for something like this?
I waited for the call at the shop. The phone rang and the producer’s assistant interviewed me for a half an hour and responded to many of the synchronicities in our story with fascinated enthusiasm and a string of expletives like, “That’s amazing!” and “Wow, that’s fantastic!”, “Good story!”, "That is just incredible!"
I hung up a little nervous about trailblazing the TV studio with our tender story in front of millions of viewers around the entire country on the Dr. Phil Show, and wondered if this was a good idea...
Dr. Phil’s assistant told me she’d get back to me the next day with details for the show. The call came in, and thanking me for my time and willingness to share our story, she told me that Dr. Phil had decided that he would not use us for the show after all because, frankly, our story didn't leave Dr. Phil with anything to work with.
I called Cathy at work and asked her if she’d gotten her hair cut yet? “Yep”, she said.
“Dang! I hate to tell you this but it’s not going to happen; they don’t want us because our story is too far along and we have good results in our life and there’s nothing left for him to do to help us on his show.”
“What! But I had all the people picked out to play our parts in the movie!” she laughed hard.
We hung up and went back to work; me selling strings at the counter at Artichoke Music, and she from her desk in the design department at Nike headquarters ten miles away.
Ten minutes later my phone rang.
I heard the tickle in her voice as Cathy said, “You know what, Kate? The heck with Dr. Phil! You know that book of our story that we’ve talked about writing for years? Betty Jean Lifton thought we should write it. Let’s do it. Let's write the book. Then we can shop the story to Oprah. Oprah loves happy endings. Her whole show is dedicated to inspiring people to follow their dreams and succeed. We’re perfect!”
And that was the beginning of this book.
Two weeks later we began to meet. We made an outline and laid out the chapters of turning points since we'd met. We would write our story in parallel chapters; me, the birthmother and she as daughter-in-reunion.
To tell the true story without influence on one another, we decided to write independently, and not to share our writing with each other until we were finished. When we were done, then we would read it all - together - and then we would find a way to share it with the world. That was 2004. It took fourteen years.
It has taken courage for us to tell our story. We have included our real names and experiences as birthmother and relinquished daughter who came into reunion as adults and found our way into each other lives from that moment on.
How it all began...
Kate...
Thursday, January 15, 2004
I was sitting in my office upstairs in our venerable folk music shop, Artichoke Music in Portland, Oregon. The phone rang. It was Sharon, a birthmother therapist I had known from working on reunion issues with Cathy. Sharon was calling because Dr. Phil’s show was looking for a “veteran pair”, a birthmother and child who had been in reunion for a long time - a reunion that had come to maturity. The show coming up was a focus on adoptees and birthparents approaching reunion.
Dr. Phil’s research department discovered Sharon’s professional background in this area and called her in Portland for ideas for good candidates. Sharon said that our story was the one that came to mind, so she called to see if we would be willing to tell our story on Dr. Phil’s show. They would fly us down to Los Angeles the following Tuesday, tape the show Wednesday morning and run it nationally that afternoon. Maybe Cathy and I could take an extra day in L.A. and make a holiday of it.
I called Cathy on her direct line at Nike, told her what was going on and asked her, “What do you think? Do you want to do it?” “Sure" she said. "I need a haircut before we go but sure, let’s do it.”
Calling Sharon back, I gave her the news. She passed it on to Dr. Phil’s production assistant to call me later for details. Cathy and I have always been “out” with our story and circumstances. I don’t have a television but I knew who Dr. Phil was. It was my mother’s favorite show. The tabloids were always full of him duking it out with Oprah.
Were we ready for something like this?
I waited for the call at the shop. The phone rang and the producer’s assistant interviewed me for a half an hour and responded to many of the synchronicities in our story with fascinated enthusiasm and a string of expletives like, “That’s amazing!” and “Wow, that’s fantastic!”, “Good story!”, "That is just incredible!"
I hung up a little nervous about trailblazing the TV studio with our tender story in front of millions of viewers around the entire country on the Dr. Phil Show, and wondered if this was a good idea...
Dr. Phil’s assistant told me she’d get back to me the next day with details for the show. The call came in, and thanking me for my time and willingness to share our story, she told me that Dr. Phil had decided that he would not use us for the show after all because, frankly, our story didn't leave Dr. Phil with anything to work with.
I called Cathy at work and asked her if she’d gotten her hair cut yet? “Yep”, she said.
“Dang! I hate to tell you this but it’s not going to happen; they don’t want us because our story is too far along and we have good results in our life and there’s nothing left for him to do to help us on his show.”
“What! But I had all the people picked out to play our parts in the movie!” she laughed hard.
We hung up and went back to work; me selling strings at the counter at Artichoke Music, and she from her desk in the design department at Nike headquarters ten miles away.
Ten minutes later my phone rang.
I heard the tickle in her voice as Cathy said, “You know what, Kate? The heck with Dr. Phil! You know that book of our story that we’ve talked about writing for years? Betty Jean Lifton thought we should write it. Let’s do it. Let's write the book. Then we can shop the story to Oprah. Oprah loves happy endings. Her whole show is dedicated to inspiring people to follow their dreams and succeed. We’re perfect!”
And that was the beginning of this book.
Two weeks later we began to meet. We made an outline and laid out the chapters of turning points since we'd met. We would write our story in parallel chapters; me, the birthmother and she as daughter-in-reunion.
To tell the true story without influence on one another, we decided to write independently, and not to share our writing with each other until we were finished. When we were done, then we would read it all - together - and then we would find a way to share it with the world. That was 2004. It took fourteen years.
It has taken courage for us to tell our story. We have included our real names and experiences as birthmother and relinquished daughter who came into reunion as adults and found our way into each other lives from that moment on.